


words, words, words

by MichaelMellon



Series: ceiling fans and idle hands will take my life again [2]
Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Wow, i should stop being depressing, mentions of self harm, probably going to imply some rape/non-con, sequel to Emails, so be prepared, tom needs a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-01-30 09:29:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12650832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichaelMellon/pseuds/MichaelMellon
Summary: Tord is dead.Tom wants him back.Book two of threehttps://archiveofourown.org/series/866973





	1. pining

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Adversarial](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adversarial/gifts).



> no one wanted this buT I GAVE IT TO YOUUUU
> 
> gifted to adversarial bc i love him and his writing

To: tlarsen@ezmail.com  
From: tomrigewell@ezmail.com  
Re: pining  
Hey. I miss you so much. Could you tell that I was pining after you? Ever since we met. I know you’re but I can’t help emailing you. I read all your emails, by the way. It took so much self-control to not reply. I wanted so badly to tell you all of this but I realised too late that I could’ve talked you out of it. I could’ve helped. But I’m a fucking idiot so… I didn’t.  
Please don’t be dead…


	2. bruno

To: tlarsen@ezmail.com

From: tomrigewell@ezmail.com

Re: bruno

 

_He's a clever man, did you know? I bet he works for the **government**._

_Hop Along_ is a good band. Listen to them if you're not dead. 

_Did you hear about that mother, broke her daughter's legs in two and said, "It's too **dangerous** out there to walk so... I had to save you."_


	3. nineteen

To: tlarsen@ezmail.com  
From: tomrigewell@ezmail.com  
Re: nineteen

I moved in with you guys when I was nineteen. You left your room without a shirt on. You weren't expecting me. I saw the scars.  
Do Matt and Edd know?


	4. voices

To: tlarsen@ezmail.com  
From: tomrigewell@ezmail.com  
Re: voices

TORD THEYRE BACK THEYRE BACK IM SAHAKING ASO AHRD TORD INeed YOU SO =MUCH TEHYRE TELLKINH ME TO KILL MYSELF


	5. ???? ???

To: tlarsen@ezmail.com

From: tomrigewell@ezmail.com

Re: ???? ???

 

i ???? you so much tord.

 


	6. GOD IS DEAD AND HE WAS NEVER EVEN ALIVE

To: tlarsen@ezmail.com

From: tomrigewell@ezmail.com

Re: GOD IS DEAD AND HE WAS NEVER EVEN ALIVE

 

where is god? There's so many people on the streets starving. Dying. Freezing. 

 

Where the fuck is he, Tord? He's just letting people die.


	7. dead dead dead DEAD

To: tlarsen@ezmail.com

From: tomrigewell@ezmail.com

Re: dead dead dead DEAD

 

they always

fucking

come back

THEY ALWAYS COME BACK

AND THEY ALWAYS TELL ME WHAT TO DO

 

_**KILL YOURSELF** _

_**KILL YOURSELF** _

_**K I L L Y O U R S E L F** _

_**DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT** _

 

I need help, tord. 

 

Reply to me you commie fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM WORKING ON A LONG ONE PLEASE KEEP READING I NEED YOUR VALIDATION


	8. fuck. this. shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOOWEEE I HAVENTPOSTED IN FOREVER IM SO SORRY SO HERES A SHORT ONE BC IM IN THE SCHOOL LIBRARY

To: tlarsen@ezmail.com

From: tomrigewell@ezmail.com

Re: fuck. this. shit.

Okay. Fine. Fuck this. Fuck you. Fuck Edd. Fuck Matt. Fuck people. 

Today, I learned that silence is deafening. Just... the roaring in my ears because there was no human voices to break it. 

Today, I learned that nothing is worth it. I could go and shoot a man, go to jail, and die in there. It wouldn't matter. 

Today, I learned that it's not fucking worth it. 

Today, I learned how much I miss you. 

P.S. the thoughts wont go away.


	9. dirty little secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaa okay so like mAJOR TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER 
> 
>  

To: tlarsen@ezmail.com

From: tomrigewell@ezmail.com

Re: dirty little secret

And the thing is, Tord, I fucking hate you.

 

The way you look. Act. WHAT YOU MAKE ME FUCKING FEEL.

 

I hate it.

 

But maybe that's just the emotions bubbling up. Memories I've repressed for years on end.

 

Why are they coming up now?

 

Let me tell you a story.

 

_Once upon a time, there was a kid named Tom._

 

_He was kind of an idiot, yeah?_

 

_He trusted too much. He didn't know how to say no. And that led to Tom being violated over and over by the person he trusted most._

 

_He was terrified. He didn't leave his room for months. And when he did, he didn't speak. He didn't let anyone touch him. He didn't eat. Eventually, the person that ruined his life got exposed._

 

_But the thing with that, it doesn't get rid of the memories. Or the scars he gave himself. Or the marks that physically faded._

 

_He was young. He didn't deserve to be fucking ruined._

 

Fuck you, dad. I fucking hate you. Thanks for ruining me.

 

I love you, Tord.

 


	10. Ellipsis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO THIS WAS SPAWNED BY READING THE TTB SERIES BY ADVERSARIAL SORRY

To: tlarsen@ezmail.com  
From: tomrigewell@ezmail.com  
Re: ellipsis. 

You see, Tord, no matter how many times I say I hate you, I still love you. 

That last email. 

I said I hated you. I fucking hate you. I really, really do. 

And yet...

I love you. 

There is no reason behind my love. Nor is there reason for my hatred. 

I just _feel_.

That's fucking dumb, I know. There should be an explanation. 

Nevertheless, I think we would have been good. We could have been a stock photo couple. Sitting on picture perfect grass with a sky that has no clouds. 

Maybe we would have been the kind of good that seems abusive. 

You could yell at me, scream at me, beat me, or tell me every flaw I have, and I'd still love you. 

Maybe you'd keep Edd and Matt out. Stop letting me go out. Smash my phone. 

But, I wouldn't need them. 

I'd have you. 

Carve your name into my body, it's not like I haven't done it already. 

TORD. 

Thick scar tissue makes out your name.

I'm yours.


	11. bøddel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote most of this while my girlfriend was explaining that "pulp" in England is called "juicy bits" when it's in orange juice. 
> 
> she also told me that there's primary and secondary school 
> 
> thanks babe

To: tlarsen@ezmail.com

From: tomrigewell@ezmail.com

Re: bøddel

 

The gallows, the noose, a rope around a neck. 

 

Waiting for you to guess enough wrong letters to drop the floor from under him and lynch him.

 

It's all fun and games. Something you'd play in primary school. 

 

When you're young and innocent and haven't learned about the mass hangings of blacks.

 

The horrors of war and politicians screaming out allegories that have been twisted to manipulate the citizens. 

 

When you know  _nothing_ of the fight for equality that still hasn't been won on either side.

 

The game I'm talking about is hangman. 

 

Soon, I'll be the man swinging from a noose. 


	12. wonderwall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mostly just wrote this chapter because I'm sad and depressed and I needed something to do other than cry myself to sleep. :,))

To: tlarsen@ezmail.com  
From: tomrigewell@ezmail.com  
Re: wonderwall

I once was told that repeating a word over and over again will make it lose it's meaning. 

I lay in my bed at night, staring at the ceiling. 

There's a crack in it. One we never bothered to fix. A little bit of water damage. 

Whatever. 

I repeat your name. 

Over and over. 

Hoping -- Praying to a god I don't believe in -- that I'll forget you. 

That you'll lose meaning to me with every breath. 

And then I had a fucking epiphany. 

I can just be with you.


	13. giving up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaa this was a wild ride but it's almost over. There's one more chapter left 
> 
> Song is "Sucka Stand Up" by The Young Crooks. 
> 
> Take this shitty thing while I go bury myself in the last chapter of this

To: tlarsen@ezmail.com

From: tomrigewell@ezmail.com

Re: giving up

_I used to give a fuck, but_

_Lately I’ve been given up_

_And I gotta say that I feel fine_

_Molly and red wine have_

_Got me singing, “it’s alright, man,_

_It’s alright now.”_

_And, “is this really something we should fight about, man?”_

Edd, none of this was you. You're my best friend. I love you. 

Matt, don't let your ego get in the way. It's suffocating. Like, I have to feel worthless so you can feel worth everything. Deflate it a little. I love you. 

 

Bye. 


	14. Sometimes to stay alive, you gotta kill your mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaa we are at the end of this series. I hope this chapter is enough closure.

Edd was the one who found him. He was the one who saw Tom's limp body hanging from the ceiling.

He was the one who ran to the kitchen to grab a knife.

He was the one who cut him down and called the police.

He was the one who sobbed and refused to let Tom go, thinking it was some dark joke.

He was the one who screamed at Tom to wake up, even after the paramedics told him his friend was gone.

Edd was the one who was hit hardest by Tom's death.

He read through Tom's emails and his texts. The last email.

To Tord.

Tom was in love with Tord. Tom killed himself because of Tord. If it weren't for Tord, Tom would be alive.

Edd moved to the wall and punched it, screaming loud enough for the neighbours to hear.

_**\-----** _

At the funeral, Edd popped a few blood vessels in his eyes and gave himself a bloody nose while sobbing.

Edd went home and holed up in his room. He drew on his tablet. He drew Tom. He animated Tom.

He didn't eat. He didn't sleep. He just drew. He didn't want to do anything else.

Tom was his best friend.

And Tord...

TORD FUCKING KILLED HIM. HE KILLED TOM.

TOM KILLED HIMSELF BECAUSE OF YOU, TORD. HOW DO YOU FEEL?!

You... you killed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Tord are cannonly dead for this AU/series. 
> 
> I hope that you enjoyed this ride as much as I did. 
> 
> Expect more from me as I write a lot of Eddsworld fanfiction. 
> 
> Goodbye for now.


End file.
